Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
