Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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