I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
