Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
