At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Randomize
