nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
