I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
