she smelled like a LAN party
how do flat chested girls get laid?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Randomize
