Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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