I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
