so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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