Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize