im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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