i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
