i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
