I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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