we have officially lost it.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
