can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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