is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
