He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
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