i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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