Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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