So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
