I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
