I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize