drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
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