How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
