i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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