You really coming over, don't trick.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
