It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Randomize
