this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
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