its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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