I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
