You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
