I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
