I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
But theres a keg here and me gusta
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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