oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
All I want is dick and wine.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
