If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
