I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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