Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
