Four minutes until I can fart!
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
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