Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize