Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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