are you still at the devil's house?
What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
