Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
