and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
My dick has a subreddit
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize