Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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