I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
