Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
