I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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