um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
