Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(248): View more from Michigan

My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.

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(347): View more from New York

Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????

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(402): View more from Nebraska

I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!

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(647): View more from Ontario

You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep

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(310): View more from California

LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.

(310): View more from California

And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.

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(720): View more from Colorado

When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.

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(774): View more from Massachusetts

Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.

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(518): View more from New York

It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.

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(305): View more from Florida

Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.

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