I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
