Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
