It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I had to cum in my sink.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
