A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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