Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
