he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
