we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
