I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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