Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
My ass is underappreciated
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
