Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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