kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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