My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
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