i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
