I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
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