dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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