So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
My dick has a subreddit
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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