Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
